Why am I single? Is is my standards or high or i sabotage.?

I am a cute, voluptuous y 38 yr old woman. I had a boyfriend 3 years ago and we were very serious, talking about marriage etc. I took that relationship for granted- my dad had been battling cancer and things were tough. The icing on the cake was he got laid off, and i said "what are you going to do with your career' as a concern, and he thought i was busting his , wrote me an email that not only monetarily can he give me what i want, but just I deserve more. After that I had a few close calls and one guy kept getting cold feet- then I got cold feet, yes I am afraid of commitment, but the other side wants to settle down, I just don't want to get hurt. I have been on so many dates. I get alot of men who pick up on me, but nothing that I like- or the ones I like seem to be VERY good looking, arrogant and unavailable they just want . The ones who treat me well, I never feel ually attracted. Help I want kids, my clock is ticking- am I sabotaging? My mom's friends all say why isn't she married, she is cute and outgoing....I feel like I ped along a few good opportunities...Im stuck. Help